You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
