I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
