im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize