i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
