thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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