she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
