Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
