I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
