im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
