I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
