the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize