Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The convent might be a nice break from real life
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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