I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
