My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
