He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
