This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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