You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
whose parrot is this?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
