I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
