You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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