I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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