I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize