I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
