I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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