We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
