That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
