so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize