my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
