I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
