its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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