names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
