i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
