That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
