I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
