I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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