i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
