don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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