I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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