why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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