Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
