please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
