I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
