WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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