You made me cry and you don't even care
So drunk its hurt
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
