the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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