Im at strip club and am horny
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
