I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
