i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
