the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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