Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
