There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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