they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
