I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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