Ambien. No doubt about it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
