and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
