so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
