His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
