a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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