My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
