Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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