Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
