he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
