Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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