After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
