Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
