He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
