we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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