He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When did we convert life to cartoon?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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