I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
