Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
