ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
