Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
